Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
should my penis look like a turkey
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
