guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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