Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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