What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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