It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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