it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
