I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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