Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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