i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
this hospital has no fireball
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
