I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His hands were made for my vagina.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
