I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
