Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
