If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
