True but thats because hes a fetus.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
