u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
