I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
