Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
