Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
