Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i think im in europe. pls send help
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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