Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
