but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
