my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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