That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
