yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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