Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
