I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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