Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
