We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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