3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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