I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
