remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
