that's an acceptable place to lick
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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