That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dont even know how to be here
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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