so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
