The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
