Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
