hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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