If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
