oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
