You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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