oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
