last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
