Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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