saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
