I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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