Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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