You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
