when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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