i wish my penis had a tongue
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
