My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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