I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
