you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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