So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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