yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were trust falling into bushes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
