...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
