I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
