As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
