Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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