I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
