I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
