I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
