He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize