If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
