pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
