I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Randomize
