6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
