today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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