Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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