I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
