I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
