I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
