dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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