I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
