Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
