were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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