I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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