i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
