you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
