Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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