just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
