can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
