Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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