did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
