i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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