guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
