Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
