Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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