your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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