I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
