Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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