Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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