I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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