i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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