i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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