bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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