Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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