Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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